Relationships enhance our lives in so many ways. They can lift us up, make us happy and fill our life with joy. However, stressed relationships can truly ruin our day and our life. Do you want more from your relationships and life? You can feel more connected and close.
Relationships enhance our lives in so many ways. They can lift us up, make us happy and fill our life with joy. However, stressed relationships can truly ruin our day and our life. Do you want more from your relationships and life? On of the key components in a relationship is the ability to be (and stay) present. You feel more connected and close. We have that feeling of being heard and understood. To do that you need to be present.
You know the feeling when nothing else seems to be on your mind. All your energy and senses are focused on the person in front of you. It’s all that matters for that moment. It’s amazing and both people sense it. You are really there. You’re present and connected.
On the other side we all have been there when the other person isn’t present. You don’t seem to have their attention and or their thoughts are somewhere else. You feel you aren’t being listened to and worse… you’re not being heard or understood! Awkward, frustrating and even hurtful, stress greatly contributes to this and reduces your ability to be truly present. Thus understanding and reducing stress can be very helpful as well as healing for relationships.
As a side note, when it comes to stress your brain and body don’t know where the stress hormone cortisol came from, they respond the same. Thus it’s important to address all the different sources of stress. That could be your out of balance physiology (poor sleep, lack of breakfast or skipping meals) your perception (negative- non supporting thoughts or beliefs) or lack of skills in managing or dealing with work related stress issues.
Address all the sources of stress
Either way, it’s important to address all the sources of stress so you can focus more on a healthy relationship as in the longer term, chronic stress contributes to lower serotonin levels. This is the “feel good” hormone. You may experience as low mood or depression. And it’s effect on sleep and weight gain isn’t that great either. Stress zaps the joy and juice out of our lives! And as you may know, it can contribute to “distance” between couples. Thus it’s important to understand what is contributing to stress in your life.
In our modern era of communication it’s interesting that close personal relationships can be so disrupted by “communication”. What do I mean? As almost everyone has a cell phone the urge to respond to a call or text just seems to be overwhelming for some. It’s a “stress” not answering or viewing the message. It sends the message that someone else is more important than the person in front of you! That stresses them! A simple ritual you can have with someone you want to be present and close with is… phones on silent mode and no viewing until later!
You control stress or it controls you
It’s really simple. For healthy relationships, you control stress or it controls you
One of the most significant and most important things you can do to mange stress in your relationships (and life) is to take control of your stress. Since helplessness and lack of control is a huge stressor, take control of all the things your can. Empower yourself. Focus on your circle of control. Control the things you can such as your attitude, how you respond to situations, what you eat, drink, how you move, how much sleep you choose to get, and even what you think and say.
And great news on this. The more you empower yourself and develop this skill the more your circle of control expands, the smaller problems seem and the lower your stress. You feel way better!
Control the flow of your day
Start in the morning and set yourself up to win. Plan to have a good day. Don’t “have a good day”, as this sounds like you’re leaving it up to chance, rather be proactive and “make it a great day”. Take control and set your attitude for the day. It sounds simple but most don’t do it. Honestly what kind of day do you want to have? A good day or a crappy day? Your attitude determines this and you get to choose your attitude! So what’s it going to be?
If you want to develop healthy relationships then you are going to have to learn about managing stress in the workplace and your home life. Many just put up with stress in relationships. But why do you want to cope with stress when you can reduce your stress and have better, healthier relationships?
In future articles we will also cover prevention of stress building up by focusing on one’s perception or limiting beliefs. As well, we will look at how to build your internal resistance by balancing your physiology which is the foundation to all stress management techniques. This builds you up so problems seem smaller and thus they are much easier to deal with. And this will reduce your stress. We will also get into some of the main contributors to stress in relationships. (finances, sex, us vs. me time, commitment etc).