BE – DO – HAVE
Get more out of life!
I’ve wanted to throw up so many times. It’s been hard to eat, sleep or even think about writing to you this last month. A dark cloud has been hovering over us. What do I mean by this?
About a month ago my wife’s mother had a fall, banged her head and was put into the hospital. This changed everything for her. I don’t think you can will yourself to die but I know you can give up fighting. I believe she did just this. She stopped eating and drinking and nature took its course. It took about a week but she passed quietly in her sleep. She wasn’t in pain. She was 90 years old.
My father in law, her husband, has Alzheimer’s disease. We had to tell him many times that his life long partner of 60 years had passed. Each time he had a deep visceral response. We and the care workers agreed not to tell him anymore unless he specifically asked. It was terrible seeing him go through that reaction over and over. What a cruel joke.
However, I believe at some level he understood what happened to his wife and he to decided to stop fighting. It took about 3 weeks for nature to run its course. One month to the day he too passed. He was just shy of 90. Watching parents slow waste away is not nice! This has been very stirring on the family.
And yesterday we had to put our beloved dog MAX down at the young age of 3 ½. He had kidney disease from birth and they finally gave up on him. Our emotional reserves have been drained and our hearts torn. But there is some positive light coming our way and your way as well.
There is some good news to this story. You see, I’ve always been one to find the positive and the good in things even though my childhood and teenage years had some extreme events in them.
There is some good news to this story!
Genetics or survival? I don’t know the answer to that question but I do know that living life to the fullest isn’t easy when you are always negative and just floating down the river of life without direction, without purpose, without mission or vision of where you are going.
It leads to an unfulfilled life of “blah”. No real vibrancy or enthusiasm for living, no peace of mind, little sense of accomplishment. Living without a real passion. Not really knowing what your true values are or living by them. As the saying goes “if you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll fall for anything!” YUCK!
I’ve been asking myself more and more… what’s most important at the end? Would I have any regrets? Did I live a full life? Did I live by my values and achieve my most important goals? Did I live an authentic life and did I live with passion?
Having these deaths in our lives has more than every made us re-evaluate our values, our goals and mission in life to help us get an even more clear vision of where we are going. To help us be really authentic to ourselves. This will give us a much truer and deeper sense of mission and purpose with a real peace of mind. How good is that. More good news, you can have this too without going thought all this emotional upheaval.
In my blog post on how turn your resolutions into solutions I spoke about this. Did you read that one? If so, did you implement any of the strategies to improve your life? How how’s it going for you?
Do you want to know a super fast and easy way to get more direction in your life, so you have more purpose and direction? An easy way to tune into you values?
BE – DO – HAVE
Ok do this now. Get three pieces of paper and on the top of one write “HAVE”, on one write “DO” and on the last write “BE”. This is the “be, do have” exercise. Fast and easy to do. This can be even more fun if you do it with a partner or someone else.
Now start with the “have” one first and just brainstorm and write or type as fast as your thoughts come to you all the stuff you want to “have” in your life. This is actually fun to do. Go for it now! No holds barred. List everything. We won’t judge you. If possible, prioritize your list with things you want to have quickly.
Next, write all the things you want to “do” in your life. Where you want to travel, things you want to see, and accomplish. Again, prioritize your list. This may be a bit harder and require some deeper thought. It’s fun to do as well. These first two pages will help you complete your bucket list of things you want in your life.
Now, the most interesting one is last. The “be” list. Who do you want to be in person, in spirit, in character, in action? This one will require some deeper thought and you may find it very easy or very difficult to do.
You do not have to finish this all in one sitting but get the bulk of it done. Now, sit back and look at what you’ve created. You now have a plan of what you want in your life. A list of what you want to do and who you want to be all in a prioritized list.
Humans are amazing. The front of our brains (the frontal lobes) allow for “forethought” which allows us to visualize the future. You can see into the future and visualize what you want it to be. Now write the next chapter of your life and live into it. You have a plan in your hand.
Start going through your list and “Be, Do, Have” the things that will make your life amazing for you. You may poo poo this exercise and say “nah, this is hooky”, this is too simple and you are right, it is simple. But boy oh boy, it is oh so powerful and functional. Set aside an evening and do this. This changes everything!
Things happen in life that make us think the world in collapsing in on us. We need ways to see through the darkness. To help pull ourselves up when we are down. Learning to see the good, looking and finding the positive and knowing what you want and living by your values quickly helps put things into perspective and that is empowering. And when overwhelmed, you have direction and purpose. Cool!
Wishing you the best of health and spirits,
PS: I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. How did this blog post help you? What did you do with the exercise? Did it help? Are you excited!